First it's the defiant "No's", then follows the screaming, kicking, hitting, head butts, Aiming for faces now, flinging his blanket, throwing things. It gets rather destructive and is really, really irritating. I've tried lots of things. Time-outs being number one, but he just gets louder and throws bigger things and rams the door. I've tried ignoring him and walking away, he just follows me around screaming and whipping his blanket at me. Trying to comfort him just makes him furious. I've even tried holding him down and restraining him (Less things are destroyed, but the screaming gets louder). Remaining calm is almost impossible because he gets so worked up and knows exactly which buttons to push to drive us nuts!
So I tried something unusual this time. I was restraining him because I really don't like to be hit, and I didn't want him to destroy anything else. But he just kept screaming and trying to hit so, I let go and he hit me. (Whack! right across the face) It didn't really hurt, but I started sobbing. I may have exaggerated it a bit with the huge puckered out lip and crocodile tears, but something amazing happened: The instant I started crying, he stopped crying. Oh blessed silence!!
He was stunned for an instant but then started trying to comfort me. WOW! My kid really isn't a monster after all, I thought.
I'm thinking of putting that method to good use the next time he kamikaze's out of control again.
So after all that's said and done, you tell me. Is this just another good training trick to pull out of the bag or would this be considered a little more devious?
2 comments:
So I don't profess to know anything, but it's funny that you posted about this. This weekend my boy started hitting me a lot. He's done it occasionally before, but the past few days it's been his primary reaction any time he's mad. He was kind of sick when it started, so I think the pain just pushed him over the top when he was frustrated about something anyway, but it still was not fun!
So yesterday he started getting frustrated about something. He said, "No, no, no!" and reached out and slapped my face. It wasn't hard, and I think he was more getting frantic with his arms in his frustration and my face got in the way, but I said, "Ow!" I said it more as an automatic reaction than because it really hurt, but I know part of my automatic reaction was making a face that said it hurt too.
And then, like your story, the most amazing thing happened. He looked at me for a second and I could see the wheels turning in his brain. Then he reached down and offered me his blanket to comfort me. He's a blankie boy, so whenever he's hurt we get his blanket for comfort.
Anyway, it made me wonder if he doesn't really realize that he can hurt me when he hits. Now when he's really worked up and frustrated he probably doesn't care either, but I did see this as advice on one parenting site (that you should say "Ow!" so that they understand that it hurts). Anyway, at least it worked at least once for both of us, even if it was almost an accident that it did! :)
Oh man does this sound familiar! Clay and joshy seem to be sooo much alike. I think that if that little trick works for you more than once (and you're willing to get hit)you should go for it. I can just see joshy getting used to it and not caring as much if he hurts me (I already have to make him say he's sorry every time he accidentally hurts me). I also am a wimp and don't like getting bit or hit or head-butted, so I'm more likely to keep trying to restrain him (which doesn't work because he's getting too strong now)...
So anyway... yeah. I don't have a lot of good solutions. Lately I've been putting joshy to bed early (hours after, when he's all cooled off) as a consequence of spitting on me when he's throwing a fit. That seems to make him mad, especially because he sees that bennett is still up and walking around the house (jealousy works wonders in our house :) )
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